Tough

Its been a tough week. Writing this here since the one person I'd like to talk to apparently can't make any time for me.

Why does a celebrities death affect me so much?

Its because this was a person I admired and looked up to. I don't fight the same demons he did (have never even touched drugs in my entire life) But I do fight my own demons. Severe and crippling depression and PTSD. I looked up to someone like Cory who was always very open about the demons he faced. He was beating them. Had everything going for him. And then in an instant they got the better of him and now he's gone. Just... a blink of an eye, one bad decision and a role model is all of a sudden gone.

I'm terrified of that happening to myself. Most days go pretty well and then all of a sudden it seems everything hits me all at once. And then I'm drowning and can't find my way out again.  There's no ryhme or reason to it at all. I don't even really have a reason for the depression.  I really do have a good life.

Blah. Not sure where I'm going with this. Just needed to write it out.

Life is a little crazy

But its a good sort of crazy!

We have 3 Shepherd girls now. Miss Roxy came into our lives a few weeks ago. Her owners had a last minute move and the home they had lined up for her fell through so I offered to take her and find her a home.

Should have known that she was already home. :) She fits in so well here with us and is finally getting over her depression over loosing her family that she had known for 4 years. I couldn't do that to her again. So she's not going anywhere.

Maeve is slowly getting better with the submissive peeing. She can be an absolute brat though lately haha.

Sasha will be taking her public access test next week. She is doing fantastic with 'off leash' training and I barely have to even touch the leash when we're out now. I even got complimented on her training and good behavior by a CCI trainer the other day.

Love my girls :)

Mourning

RIP Corey Monteith.

Make fun of me all you want, but Glee is a show that completely changed my life.  Yes most of the episodes are silly and to some people stupid, but if you look closely there is a lesson to be learned from each episode.  A few of them are obvious like the episode they did on suicide, but for the most part and for me personally the show makes you think.

This show saved me. It changed how I look at things in life. I never really cared for Corey's character Finn most of the time (I identify mostly with Lea's character Rachel) but Finn is what made Glee. And now he's gone. :(

Their cover of 'Keep Holding On' literally saved my life. I was at a very low place in my life around the time that came out and the song and the show made me realize just how precious life is. That song will forever hold a place in my heart. Keep holding on Glee cast and Gleeks everywhere.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/gleecast/keepholdingon.html

Sasha's song

So my service dogs and I all have a song. Except for Sasha and I which was fixed today :)

"Fix You"

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try, you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you that I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmyKHRSuP1Q&feature=youtube_gdata_player

The Chronicles of 2 husbandless women for a year (1)

So I've decided to entertain you all (if anyone reads this blog that is!) with some fun times.

It was the year 2012 (Oct 2011-October 2012 to be exact. My husband had just started his career as a truck driver and my friend Sam's husband had just started a year of tour of duty in S Korea.

I was living in Canon City at the time and Sam at the US Air Force Academy. I came to visit her one day and then just never left lmao.

Onto the story!

Why I have a German Shepherd Dog as a Service Dog

So we were robbed once. It was fairly harmless and all they got away with was money but still. Kinda scary, especially since I am a rabid fan of CBS's show Criminal Minds and there was an episode last season where an unsub abducted a woman from a parking lot.

We had just pulled up to the Walmart on North Academy. Can't remember what we were there for, but for a brief while Sam considered training her Golden Retriever Molly as a Service Dog for her daughter so we took her with us so I could evaluate how she did in a public place. My usual service dog (in training) is my German Shepherd Sasha, who while she looks and sounds scary, she's all bark. We left her at home and took Molly instead so we wouldn't have to deal with a dog in training (brand new in training at that time) and an evaluation at the same time. 

Toting around three kids and a service dog is tiring work, so we were trying to get everyone situated when these two guys selling 'magazines' approached our car. They went into their sales pitch, attempted flirting (failed miserably) and were VERY persistent. Molly was in the back of the car wagging her tail away (sometimes she's protective but others, particularly this day, she's just all hey guys! Please pet me while you rape and murder these fine people in the car! -Sam) and Sam's oldest was chatting away to the guys. They started to get a very dangerous tone, so we decided to just go with it and give them the money before it got bad. They walked us into the store to the ATM, Sam got out the money and gave it to them and they left laughing and saying 'Thanks for dinner!' 

-_-

Molly did very well on her very first and last public outting (Sam decided not to use a service dog for her daughter)

And we also had completely forgotten we had her husband's gun in the glove compartment. Also there was a patrol car sitting outside the door (opposite door we went in of course).

But hey, better safe and less a little money than dead I suppose. But things like this are why I use a German Shepherd as a service dog. While my dog would never bite anyone, her looks alone deter most criminals. Anyone ever watch a cops episode where they threaten to send the dog out? Yeah, they almost ALWAYS give up when they hear that ;)

So that's one story. I have many many more that I will share once a week on here. Let me know if you like these kind of 'segments' and I'll come up with some more topics :)

Lets just post this everywhere

Cause my love for these 2 ladies and helping me with my one and only creative outlet is endless :)

Shout out to my beta readers Robyn (my sister who is working on her degree as a writer) and Sam (my wife and partner in crime. We think WAY too much alike, sometimes i wonder if we’re the same person) for sticking with ‘Academy’, my writer’s block, taking a year to finish chapter 10, and hearing out and talking out my crazy ideas with me. And for not turning me in for my crazy on twitter (I made an account for my OC on there and sometimes argue with ‘her’). 

There’s still a LONG way to go, but I’m not giving up on it. I’ve quit too many things in the past and plan on seeing this through to the very end. (If only I would quit going back and re-writing things!!) Chapters 8 and 9 left to edit still.

And there’s also a second project I’m working on, a 100% original fiction that started as a very late night ramble before my sister suggested it was more of an ending than an entire story. :) I need to kick that in gear too! This one means a lot to me personally as the inspiration for it came from my late Rhea girl.

Yup

Just sitting here at 2am reading Animorphs fanfics. 

Don't judge. :P

So yeah.

Haven't posted here in awhile, so here's an update (in bulletin form because I'm lazy)

-ear still driving me nuts. I complain about it pretty much everyday on my tumblr lmao!  Sorry guys. Though improvement, after listening to music on my headphones, my hearing is back to normal. Still clogged feeling though -_-

-hubby will be home TOMORROW! Missed that man <3

-my son will be THREE on Monday. Crazy! Where has the time gone?

-lots of visitors to look forward to this summer! Most excited about my dad and stepmom! Two years is just too long. And my wifey. Any amount of time away from her is too long lol. Miss you lady!!

-my puppy is not so much a puppy anymore. She's 15 weeks old today and has almost tripled in size since I brought her home at 11 weeks. 

-kinda back in my 'hum drum' mood. Things are just kinda whatever right now. Back to the 'I don't really fit in or belong anywhere' sort of mindset. People in the groups I'm in are nice, but either so much younger than me that I feel like the creepy old lady or they really don't say much to me. I dunno. Just really haven't found anyone that I 'connect' with on a friendship level online and my 'real life' social status is a disaster. I want to make new friends to hang out with but on the other hand being around new people makes me want to hide in a closet. Plus while I have a son myself, I don't really like other people's children, besides Sam's, so making friends with kids is a little weird. And making friends without kids while I myself have one is also weird lol. Blah.

Anyway, didn't really want to end on a depressing note but it is what it is I suppose. Hopefully a weekend with my husband will help. 

My not so much puppy anymore puppy :)

Fort Collins

My trip this weekend has been a saving grace. I've been in a very deep dark place mentally for a few weeks now and this mini vacation was just the thing to get me out of it. I feel refreshed and in a better state of mind just by getting away for a few days.

 

We didn't do too much, had some AWESOME tacos at a place called Fuzzy's.

 

 

We ate lunch outside so the puppy wouldn't have to sit in the hot car.

 

Then we toured my sister Robyn's school. I did some refinement training with Sasha while Robyn socialized miss Nadine for me. I learned from this trip that Sasha is READY for her public access test. She had never seen squirrels before and while she was interested in them, she didn't try to bolt after them in her vest. She also completely ignored everyone coming up to pet Nadine along with another service dog team that walked by us fairly close. Now I just need to coordinate a time with Shelley to do her public access test.

 

Girls at CSU

 

Afterwards we went to a beautiful park where my son Gideon played for a few hours.

 

Gideon and Aunt Robyn

 



My girlies :)

 

Then we went back to Robyn's house just in time for some drama lol. One of her roommates was really cool. We won't talk about the other one ;) Had some dinner and a bonfire where I burned some paperwork that had been chilling in my glovebox for almost a year.

 

Shepherd girls! 3 is the perfect number!

 

Gideon and Miss Logan. She's such a love!

 

All in all, a much needed break <3

 

I don't know where I would be without this dog in my life.

Strangers

 I may not be popular in real life, but I am popular in the wrong number for texts department!! Haha. This is one of the tamer wrong number texters. I once got a text from some guy with a number in Georgia telling me in quite graphic detail about how he enjoyed 'our night together'. To mess with him I texted back and told him he got the wrong number and that I was 12. Dude texted back and asked 'are you at least a girl?' CREEP! (I guess that's what I get lmao)

So for weeks Sam and I would joke about my sleep screwing (kinda like sleep walking) where I'd go to Georgia in the middle of the night and then back to CO  before she woke up in the morning. Hahah.

1/20/2013 Not sure where this came from

(Completely and totally un-edited and unfinished, but a little piece of an original fiction I'm working on)

I just started writing and this is what came of it. Any thoughts/comments appreciated, I wasn't really sure where this was going lol.

No Title

It was warm here. Unfamiliar. Oh. I remembered now that the past life I had lived was over. I hesitantly opened my eyes not sure what to expect. There is nothing but white, an unnatural almost blinding color. I was in the transition world and hadn't been given a new life yet. 'I've been here before, many times,' I realize quickly. Ninety-two times to be exact, now ninety-three. I wandered for a bit, looking for what was vaguely familiar from when I was here before. The memories from previous lives came to the surface. I had been many things, the most recent a dog. I wasn't sure just what I was really. Up ahead I found what I was looking for, a window. Every time I had died, I could see what had transpired in my previous life through that window after my death. 'She's sad,' I think to myself as I study her. 'It wasn't your fault, it was my time to go,' I try to convey to her. I'm not really sure if I can influence or bring comfort to those who had lost me or not, but it was important to try. I'm not sure why though. I watched. I'm not sure for how long. Time doesn't exist here. 

There are others here but we don't interact often. I can't see them because no one has a physical body, but I can feel their presence. There is only one other that matters though, but that someone isn't here. I'm assuming they're still in a life. We'll meet again, I'm sure of it.

~~

I've been here what constitutes a half a year on Earth. Half a year to reflect on my last life, which I assume is the purpose of the transition world. I couldn't help watching the girl who had been my owner in that life. There was an overwhelming urge to make sure she was safe. I think maybe that is another reason why we have to come here, so we can make sure the ones we loved were okay before moving on. Who knows. 

~~

I've noticed that others move on very quickly, only appearing here for a short time before they move onto the next life. Once I witnessed another go forward, instead of back through the window like everyone else. I wasn't sure what to make of that, most everyone went back through the window, back to Earth. I wondered how much longer I would be here. 

~~

I'm starting to get antsy. This was the longest I had been in the transition world. A year and 2 months I have been here now. Maybe there was something wrong with me. Perhaps I had reached a limit of some sort and would be trapped here forever. The thought greatly saddened me, but I also wondered what else was there for me to learn?

I had taken to watching the girl on a near constant basis. I laughed as she struggled with her newest charge, the one who had taken my place. A young soul for sure that one was. But loyal and true to the core. She would be okay. 

I lost track of time again. It could have been years, days or even hours since I was last aware but I had no way of knowing. 

"I'm okay now. You need to move on." I recognize the voice of the girl but am confused as to why it sounds as if she's standing right next to me. "Go on now girl, you'll be in my heart forever."

My surroundings started to shimmer and the window started to close up. I was startled as this had never happened before. I've only seen it... Once. I was moving forward. 

~~

It's even more peaceful here than in the transition world. 

Choose a form to spend eternity in.

It wasn't a voice exactly, more of a thought. The words filled my entire existence it seemed. It took me less than a second to decide. I would wait for the only other one that mattered in the form of my past life. Maybe whenever the girl made it here she would recognize me. I wasn't sure how long it would take her to get here nor the other one I waited for. I wasn't even sure where here was.

Your soul is complete now. You are in the world of finished souls.

I was home now. I recognized this place as where everything had all started, vague as the memory was.

Lots-o-links!

So here are some other places you can find me! :)

Twitter: rhea111411

Tumblr: rhea111411.tumblr.com 

(Btw, Tumblr has the BEST service dog community I've ever had the pleasure of being a part of!)

And if you're interested in fanfiction, you can find my work here:

Kellylreid.livejournal.com

(FF is my guilty pleasure haha. The one I've been working on for over a year now is Harry Potter/Criminal Minds. Don't judge! ;) )

A few of my favorite blogs!

http://thebloggess.com/ (I got the pleasure of meeting this amazing woman in person. My service dog promptly stuck her head in the poor woman's crotch. Still SO sorry about that! Lol!)

http://www.mylifeaslucille.com (my new friend Lucy who set up this blog for me. I haven't gotten around to reading her blog just yet but I will soon!)

http://myepilpesyproject.blogspot.com (My friend Nolan's blog about his journey training his Nakita to be his service dog. I still can't figure out how to subscribe to your blog Nolan, working on that!)

http://sorryiwasntpayingattentionwebb.blogspot.com (And last but certainly not least, my sister Robyn's blog! <3)

8/22/12 And then a giant blue tractor showed up in my yard

(Edited a little at the end)

Oh hello! Welcome to my blog, whether you stumbled upon it on accident (really apologize if you did) or on purpose.

My name is Stacey. I live literally in the middle of nowhere. Even google maps refuses to acknowledge my town's existstance even though I assure you it is a real place. Unless I'm really in a mental institution and imagining all this which wouldn't really surprise me.

I have an almost 3 year old little boy who is my world and my husband is a hardworking man who works his ass off to provide for us. And despite my crazy he hasnt run away yet which he's had plenty of opportunities in the almost 8 years we've been together. 

We live on 43 acres of pure heaven (hell on some days though like when I find a tarantula in my laundry room) in a little tiny rental my mom lovingly refers to as a 'shack' lol.

My passion is dogs and training. I have partial complex seizure disorder and use a service dog to help with my disbility.

We currently share our lives with Sasha, a 2 year old black and tan German Shepherd Dog (also my service dog in training), Denali our 4 year old Bengal cat, Toes, my son's kitten, Aladdin our old man of a horse, Nadine, our 12 week old silver sable German Shepherd Dog pup, and a few chickens and turkeys :) 

My life is one long road of crazy but I wouldn't trade it for all the world.

11/13/2011 A life altering decision is made

(This post is extremely important for me to keep a hold of. I wrote this the night before I took Rhea to the vet to end her suffering and this post means a lot to me)

This is the story of a dog. A dog who started out as a horrible animal that had me thinking “What the hell have I gotten myself into?!” mere hours after adopting her.

I have partial complex seizure disorder and the dog I had been training as a service dog mysteriously died at the young age of 2. I suspect my abusive boyfriend at the time had something to do with her death, only I was too afraid of him and what he had threatened to do to my family to do anything about it.

A few months after her death, I was having seizures with more frequency and decided that I seriously needed a new service dog. I absolutely did not want another dog, the death of Trakker left me utterly heart broken, but I went in search of a new dog anyway. My friend came along with me and we were off to the Colorado Humane Society. I saw HER in the kennel and we took her out to interact with us one on one. She was 4 or 5 years old and extremely sweet. She seemed to be begging us to get her out of that hell hole. As I was still mourning for Trakker, I was hesitant to adopt the first dog I had seen. My friend and I left the shelter and started to drive an hour north to Denver to look at the dogs at another shelter. On the way up, I kept talking about HER on the way up there until finally My friend asked me if I would like to turn around and just go get her. And so we did.

I needed something at Lowes so I took My friend home and took the new dog with me. They had changed their policy on allowing pets inside and so I rolled down the windows and left her in the car as I would only be in there for a few minutes. When I came back out, there was a man outside my car holding his arm and I could tell it was bleeding. I called the cops and when they came they asked the guy what he was doing to get bit by the dog and he told them he was just reaching inside my car. Turns out he was trying to steal my car’s stereo!!

We got home and I let her get to know the apartment. I left to go somewhere and left her loose. When I came back, she had completely destroyed all the blinds in the apartment and had eaten an entire unopened pack of cigarettes! Off to the vet we went and on the way home, I bought a kennel. When I went to work the next day I made sure she was comfortable in it and when I came home it was to an angry neighbor at my door. According to him she had howled the entire 6 hours I was gone. I didn’t believe him so I set up a video camera the next day to prove him wrong. Yeah, I had to eat crow that day as the tape showed 6 hours if her howling nonstop!!!

I convinced my manager to let me bring her to work with me (it wasn’t that hard as I worked at Petsmart) and we began her training by enrolling her in my trainer friend Steve’s basic class. As I got to know her better through the class, I noticed that she didn’t know how to even play with toys! Steve suggested we put her in one of his puppy classes to teach her how to be a real dog and she thrived there. It didn’t take long for her to master the highest level of training class available. There had been a huge change in the dog I had adopted a year ago at that point.

Oh, I have so many great memories of this amazing animal, it would take me years to tell you about all of them! Do I choose the ones where she has literally saved my life? Helped me leave an abusive relationship where if I had stayed, we probably wouldn’t still be alive today? I have memories of her where she taught me about life, living on my own, courage, bravery, friendship, heartbreak…. You name it, this dog has given it to me… She was there when I met the love of my life (and tried to eat him when he came home from work and tried to go to bed haha), loss of friendship, gaining friendships, the birth of my first child. I can’t even begin to pay her back for all of those things.

I only hope that I am strong enough to stay with her tomorrow as she takes her last breath and the greatest dog who ever lived is gone from this earth. Thank you Rhea for helping make me the person I am today. You will be sorely missed but at least you won’t have to suffer any longer.

Lowe, Hunter, Mollee, Trakker, and Merlin, please look after my girl for me. I’ll see you all again someday.

All my love…..

 

Current Mood: blank

Current Music: "How can I help you to say goodbye...."

 

Testing

123! Lol. I'll be back on in a few to make an intro and transfer over a few posts from the other blog that I don't want to loose as well as some links to other places :)

Thanks Lucy for setting this up for me!! :)