Tough

Its been a tough week. Writing this here since the one person I'd like to talk to apparently can't make any time for me.

Why does a celebrities death affect me so much?

Its because this was a person I admired and looked up to. I don't fight the same demons he did (have never even touched drugs in my entire life) But I do fight my own demons. Severe and crippling depression and PTSD. I looked up to someone like Cory who was always very open about the demons he faced. He was beating them. Had everything going for him. And then in an instant they got the better of him and now he's gone. Just... a blink of an eye, one bad decision and a role model is all of a sudden gone.

I'm terrified of that happening to myself. Most days go pretty well and then all of a sudden it seems everything hits me all at once. And then I'm drowning and can't find my way out again.  There's no ryhme or reason to it at all. I don't even really have a reason for the depression.  I really do have a good life.

Blah. Not sure where I'm going with this. Just needed to write it out.

Life is a little crazy

But its a good sort of crazy!

We have 3 Shepherd girls now. Miss Roxy came into our lives a few weeks ago. Her owners had a last minute move and the home they had lined up for her fell through so I offered to take her and find her a home.

Should have known that she was already home. :) She fits in so well here with us and is finally getting over her depression over loosing her family that she had known for 4 years. I couldn't do that to her again. So she's not going anywhere.

Maeve is slowly getting better with the submissive peeing. She can be an absolute brat though lately haha.

Sasha will be taking her public access test next week. She is doing fantastic with 'off leash' training and I barely have to even touch the leash when we're out now. I even got complimented on her training and good behavior by a CCI trainer the other day.

Love my girls :)

Mourning

RIP Corey Monteith.

Make fun of me all you want, but Glee is a show that completely changed my life.  Yes most of the episodes are silly and to some people stupid, but if you look closely there is a lesson to be learned from each episode.  A few of them are obvious like the episode they did on suicide, but for the most part and for me personally the show makes you think.

This show saved me. It changed how I look at things in life. I never really cared for Corey's character Finn most of the time (I identify mostly with Lea's character Rachel) but Finn is what made Glee. And now he's gone. :(

Their cover of 'Keep Holding On' literally saved my life. I was at a very low place in my life around the time that came out and the song and the show made me realize just how precious life is. That song will forever hold a place in my heart. Keep holding on Glee cast and Gleeks everywhere.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/gleecast/keepholdingon.html

Sasha's song

So my service dogs and I all have a song. Except for Sasha and I which was fixed today :)

"Fix You"

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try, you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you that I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmyKHRSuP1Q&feature=youtube_gdata_player

The Chronicles of 2 husbandless women for a year (1)

So I've decided to entertain you all (if anyone reads this blog that is!) with some fun times.

It was the year 2012 (Oct 2011-October 2012 to be exact. My husband had just started his career as a truck driver and my friend Sam's husband had just started a year of tour of duty in S Korea.

I was living in Canon City at the time and Sam at the US Air Force Academy. I came to visit her one day and then just never left lmao.

Onto the story!

Why I have a German Shepherd Dog as a Service Dog

So we were robbed once. It was fairly harmless and all they got away with was money but still. Kinda scary, especially since I am a rabid fan of CBS's show Criminal Minds and there was an episode last season where an unsub abducted a woman from a parking lot.

We had just pulled up to the Walmart on North Academy. Can't remember what we were there for, but for a brief while Sam considered training her Golden Retriever Molly as a Service Dog for her daughter so we took her with us so I could evaluate how she did in a public place. My usual service dog (in training) is my German Shepherd Sasha, who while she looks and sounds scary, she's all bark. We left her at home and took Molly instead so we wouldn't have to deal with a dog in training (brand new in training at that time) and an evaluation at the same time. 

Toting around three kids and a service dog is tiring work, so we were trying to get everyone situated when these two guys selling 'magazines' approached our car. They went into their sales pitch, attempted flirting (failed miserably) and were VERY persistent. Molly was in the back of the car wagging her tail away (sometimes she's protective but others, particularly this day, she's just all hey guys! Please pet me while you rape and murder these fine people in the car! -Sam) and Sam's oldest was chatting away to the guys. They started to get a very dangerous tone, so we decided to just go with it and give them the money before it got bad. They walked us into the store to the ATM, Sam got out the money and gave it to them and they left laughing and saying 'Thanks for dinner!' 

-_-

Molly did very well on her very first and last public outting (Sam decided not to use a service dog for her daughter)

And we also had completely forgotten we had her husband's gun in the glove compartment. Also there was a patrol car sitting outside the door (opposite door we went in of course).

But hey, better safe and less a little money than dead I suppose. But things like this are why I use a German Shepherd as a service dog. While my dog would never bite anyone, her looks alone deter most criminals. Anyone ever watch a cops episode where they threaten to send the dog out? Yeah, they almost ALWAYS give up when they hear that ;)

So that's one story. I have many many more that I will share once a week on here. Let me know if you like these kind of 'segments' and I'll come up with some more topics :)

Lets just post this everywhere

Cause my love for these 2 ladies and helping me with my one and only creative outlet is endless :)

Shout out to my beta readers Robyn (my sister who is working on her degree as a writer) and Sam (my wife and partner in crime. We think WAY too much alike, sometimes i wonder if we’re the same person) for sticking with ‘Academy’, my writer’s block, taking a year to finish chapter 10, and hearing out and talking out my crazy ideas with me. And for not turning me in for my crazy on twitter (I made an account for my OC on there and sometimes argue with ‘her’). 

There’s still a LONG way to go, but I’m not giving up on it. I’ve quit too many things in the past and plan on seeing this through to the very end. (If only I would quit going back and re-writing things!!) Chapters 8 and 9 left to edit still.

And there’s also a second project I’m working on, a 100% original fiction that started as a very late night ramble before my sister suggested it was more of an ending than an entire story. :) I need to kick that in gear too! This one means a lot to me personally as the inspiration for it came from my late Rhea girl.

Yup

Just sitting here at 2am reading Animorphs fanfics. 

Don't judge. :P